We here at Atom understand that Valentine’s Day can be a stressful event for both sexes whether you’re single, married, coupled, or impatiently awaiting the arrival of your Checkoslovakian mail-order bride. Here are a few tips to help ease the pain of that damn heart-filled day.
Mail Enhancement
Just because you can’t find the girl or boy of your dreams doesn’t mean you have to be alone on Valentine’s Day. Have you tried seeking comfort in the gentle embrace of the nearest postal receptacle?
Heavy Sedatives and You
Are you in that honeymoon phase of a shiny new relationship? You might think everything is great, but you really won’t know for sure until you have that “Roofie Talk.” Do it before V-Day. You’ll thank yourself, and so will your significant other.
Cupid in Your Interwebs
The internet is a perfectly acceptable place to look for your ideal mate, but it can also be a doorway to a crippling death spiral of shame and despair. Make good decisions, people. Don’t let this happen to you on the 14th.
No Fatties
The human mating ritual is fraught with peril. No matter what you say to a girl, you should always be prepared for her to rip off your skin and pour salt on your exposed under-flesh.
Several Inconvenient Truths
When all else fails, just be honest with your date. They’ll admire you for it long enough to make you think there’s a chance, and then they’ll slam your vital organs into a wall, like so many birds against a freshly washed bay window.
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