Loading ...Atom recently got a chance to catch up with The Shaman at the world famous Standard Hotel on the Sunset Strip. We found him Twittering (twitter.com/lightmyshaman) by the pool with only a towel over his genitals, sipping a hot mug of something.
Shaman: Hello, my Anxious Messenger, would you like a hot cocoa with Kahlua?
Atom: Uh Shaman, it’s 100 degrees and the dead of summer.
Shaman: Oh yes, I only drink warm beverages when it’s hot. Takes the toxins out of your body.
Atom: But you’re drinking Kahlua?
Shaman: I don’t understand.
Atom: What is a shaman, Shaman? Is it different from a wizard or witch doctor?
Shaman: A shaman is a medicine man or healer or someone who brings you out of a bad trip. I carry my shaman fanny pack, or “shanny pack” with me at all times. Sometimes I’m mistaken for a German tourist but that’s okay; because people are always happy to see me when they’ve taken too much acid.
Wizards are sort of dicks, I don’t hang with them. Witch doctors are cool, especially the ones with bones in their nose.
Shaman thinks “wizards are sort of dicks”
Atom: So, say I’m at Coachella and I’m “losing my shit on mushrooms.” How would you heal me?
Shaman: I’d probably sit you down and give you some banana chips and raw cacao to center your spirit, and if that didn’t work, I’d surprise you by throwing a small garden snake on your head.
Atom: Shaman, that sounds like a horrible thing to do to someone who is tripping out!
Shaman: There’s no better time to confront your fear than when you’re about to throw up, you’re pupils are dilated and Fisherspooner has morphed their one hit into a 35-minute jam. Basically, we’re all ready to die at that point.
Atom: You certainly are free from the bondage of clothing.
Shaman: The human body is a beautiful thing so when people cover it up with clothing it really bums me out. I basically walk around in pants and no shirt everywhere I go which is unsettling to some people but I just think to myself, “there will never be any lint in my belly button.”
When it comes to not wearing a shirt I guess you could say my God is named McConaughey! Ha! Ha! Ha! (Laughing extra hard.) That joke was given to me by a great comedian named Brody Stevens. He is a troubled soul, but a good technical comedian.
Never heard of Jim Morrison?
Atom: Please tell us: is Jim Morrison alive?
Shaman: Who? Who’s Jim Morrison? Never heard of him.
Atom: The lead singer for The Doors? Surely, you must have had people compare you to…
Shaman: No, but I get KD Lang quite a bit. That and one of the Indigo Girls.
Atom: It seemed difficult when you realized that your “massages” were pretty much prostitution.
Shaman: You see, I had no idea rubbing a man’s penis was gay. You know, where I come from it’s only gay if you rub a unicorn’s penis.
Atom: What? Are you telling me unicorns exist?
Shaman: Oh yes, unicorns are horrible, horrible people. That’s a big misconception that unicorns are these friendly, galloping beasts of warmth. No, no, quite the opposite. I owed a unicorn named Dazzle some money once, he speared me with his horn and then made me give a “massage.” I’d rather not talk about it.
High times with “Wandering Grape”
Atom: Is baldness a tragedy? Will “Wandering Grape” ever be cured?
Shaman: Matt taught me a great lesson, that it’s not important what you look like. Bald, fat, short, lacking in any kind of magnetic energy, Matt is all these things and the fact that he’s chosen to continue his life and not end it is truly remarkable. He’s an inspiration.
Atom: How do you prepare your legendary Deer Antler Tabbouleh?
Shaman: Very simple…
2 cups deer antler
3 cups parsley
1 cup minced onion, chopped very fine
and five tears of an Indian (preferably one that’s been crying over someone who just littered)
Atom: What next, Shaman?
Shaman: Well, this summer I will continue digging deeper to uncover the mysteries of our world, (standing on a table) where there is darkness I will bring light, where people are sick, I will heal (sitting back down), that, and working in the mail room at my Dad’s law firm.
Also, I’ll be teaching a class at the Learning Annex on the power of subliminal thought and getting ready for a second season of “The Shaman.” “ You are very sleepy, Atom. You will greenlight a second season. You will greenlight a second season…”
Bliss out with episodes of “The Shaman” RIGHT HERE
