Foot Pee! Pack

Finally!  A system that allows me to trap urine around my feet that is both easy AND surprise!

The Foot Pee! Pack makes two important assumptions – that you want to hold piss captive against your feet and that you’ll be compelled to do it more than once.  I’d question whether or not urine is even good for your feet, but it’s no crazier than injecting botulism into your face.

“If you think my frozen forehead is unsettling, wait until you smell the piss on my feet!”

There are some who allege urine is uniquely suited to smooth out and clean your skin.  I can’t speak toward its efficacy.  It could well be the beauty secret that the all-powerful cosmetics lobby doesn’t want you to know about.  I believe it’s important to keep an open mind, especially about issues that may provide a counter-argument to my wife’s insistence that I not pee in the shower.  It’s ME-TIME, damnit.

USB Stripper

It also ships with tiny dollar bills

Most oddball USB trinkets fit the same niche of serving no discernible function, costing around $10, and becoming a stale joke after about 45 seconds of service.  Nobody is sure where these increasingly asinine ideas are coming from, but my theory is CarrotTop somehow found time out of his busy schedule of freaking me out to form a thinktank:

“It’s a USB ‘Blue Tooth’!  Get it?  Get it?”

Klingon Themed Nursery

A bassinet that is equally suited for both bedding and cooking a baby

As ferocious as this looks, it’s actually pretty benign.  Unless that mobile entertains the baby with rapid stabbing motions rather than spinning, the baby is cradled safely away from danger.  I applaud the designer’s savvy in commemorating their fandom without putting an innocent, fragile life in harm’s wa….

..oh fuck me.  Never mind.  I don’t mind letting a kid learn things the hard way, but there’s no way my kid will be shouting “Giddyup, Stabby!” on this rocking horse before they’ve reached Jak’tahla.

Yes, I made a Klingon joke.  No, I’m not proud of myself either.

Pillow Wig

It took 40 scientists working around the clock for two years to develop a sleeping aparatus less dignified than this, but I’d say the above officially represents Mission Accomplished.

In reality this is just part of a pretty ingenius art collection and not something marketed for public purchase, but what does it say about their culture that I assumed otherwise?

Pee-kneeler

Laptop Sweaters

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