Last year atom.com popped my nerd-cherry with my very first Comic-con.  It was sensory overload to be sure.   I was bombarded with the sights of sprawling promotional displays, the dull roar of wall-to-wall geeking out over Battlestar Galactica, and the resultant smells from people wearing bulky, poorly ventilated costuming for 7 hours.   The time has come for me to share that stank with you again.

Since last year’s effort was so sprawling and academic, I thought this time I’d try something lighter.  Apparently there’s this new thing on the internet called “twittering” all the kids are doing.  I don’t expect many of you have heard of it.  It’s name comes from the root “twit”, which is also a clever acronym for “Truly Wasting Internet Traffic” (or possibly “Talking With Infatuated Toadies”).  It is the newest forum for hip internet luminaries like Tony Robbins, Bob Vila, Tony Danza and George Stephanopoulous.   Since this is apparently part of our dismal internet future, it’s high time I got used to working in that format.

So here you go, Atom.com.  Comic-con in no more than 140 characters at a time.  Let the twatting begin!

On trolley: Already overhearing discussions on “What if the trolley was a Transformer?”  I sense a long day ahead.

It’s not even 9 a.m. and people are visibly excited.  A little TOO excited.

As the train capacity approaches critical mass, I’m quietly regretting not bringing a vat of purel with me.  Not only is hygeine suspect, but I fear Fanboyism may be infectious.

An impromtu funeral procession with bagpipes.  Because why not?

I just found out the casket brigade is part of a Criss Angel promotion.  I thought I smelled douche!

Believe the hype.  A visit from the Pope only scores 3 out of 4 network news channels.

Overheard:  “I hate that Twilight show.  They try to make vampires all cool and werewolves totally suck.  Whatever!”

This quinfuckle wrap-around line represents people waiting for a presentation on Twilight for at least 1.5 days.  Spoiler: He’s a vampire.

Some guy gets so excited about a Captain Kirk joke that he spits on me as he talks.  Trek is actually making this guy drool.

Welcome to the greatest day in this Tween’s life.  Apart from when he discovered he could violate his gym socks.

If only.  If only…

Saw the new Jack Black game “Brutal Legend”, a metal-infused hack’n'slash platformer.  My PS3 preemptively melted from its mere mention.

*Obama pimp hat and cane are not included

“‘Bunnny Rabbbit’.  Whaaat?”

The quest for lactose has begun.

What’s a flock of platypus called?  A platipile!  HAHA!  Just kidding, it’s an orgy.

I call this portrait “Guy Who Wishes He Took The Time To Finish His G.E.D.”.

This is great tool for comic artists.  It’s also the closest some of them will get to an actual vagina.

A snapshot of “Kaiju Monster Wrestling”.  I’d laugh, but it’s actually less retarded than the WWE.

Overheard while crossing a crowded room: “This is where a high dexterity score comes in handy!”

“Imagine there’s no drive-bys….it’s easy if you try”

In the abyss, no one can hear you fap.

Captain Pimp never leaves shuttlebay without a spare ho.

Me v.s. Neil on atom.com greenscreen.  I have a warrior’s heart, just not their upper-body strength.

I just saw a jedi on his cellphone.  It’s not that impressive by itself, but my coverage sucks here.  The force is strong with Verizon.

“Wow!  I can finally get autographs from official Twilight impersonators!  SQUEEE!”

Thomas Jane, star of “The Punisher”, is wearing sunglasses indoors while signing autographs.  Someone is on track to unseat Criss Angel as Douche Of The Convention.

This is the 2nd worst volunteer job at Comic-con.  Number one is still the guy in charge of making excuses to Kynt & Vyxsin for why their autograph line is so short.

World of Warcraft is releasing new trading card packs to “bring the MMORPG to the table”.  No one has bothered to ask Blizzard “Why the fuck would you want to do that?”

I just saw a 60 year old woman working security. “Elite Security” might want to rethink their brand.

Imagine how crushed he was to find out that Kenny G-Con wasn’t until next week

I’m grabbing a burger 4 blocks away at a mobster-themed restaurant and they still have Star Wars episode II on TV.  Amazing.

My Little Drug-Trip Pony

Superpowers:  Flight, fabulousness

Because someone had to out-Tarantino Quentin Tarantino

Quick Marketing Tip: I won’t buy it if I’m too terrified to go past the cover.

The J List booth actually hands out promotional tissues with their wares.  I can’t imagine why.

Arguably the most ergonomic mousepad on the planet

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