In recent days reports have come out of the Alps, detailing a series of multiple unexplained cow suicides. This is very upsetting.  Atom.com abhors senseless violence toward any creature, almost as much as anything that deprives us of further steak.

The chalk outlline coincidentally looked like a giant porterhouse

We’ve had some great conversations spark up this week, and YOU are missing out if you haven’t joined in. We’re a little over a week away from the deadline, and the contest has jumped to lightspeed.

On the Operation Olivia discussion boards, user Laughtec brought up the issue of self censorship and properness in pitches. Are you pushing the envelope or going too far?

Fucking science.  Always sticking its nose where it doesn’t belong. It’s perpetually touting its mission to seek knowledge for the supposed benefit of mankind, but I call bullshit.  Science, you can just stop waving that banner altogether, because I’m about to expose you for the malicious bastards you all are.

If perchance you think I’m being unfair, please note that Science is presently exploring the potential of turning this:

…into this:

Here at Atom, we spend a lot of time looking at videos on the internet. And let’s be real, while each one is a beautiful snowflake, some of them are just funnier than others (dildo slap, I’m looking at you).

But sometimes, the internet just needs comedy superstars Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter (with an assist from Rob Huebel and Jon Benjamin) to really show you suckers how it’s done. And don’t forget, the season finale of Michael and Michael Have Issues is tonight on Comedy Central, at 10:30pm.

Hey, did I mention the season finale of Michael and Michael Have Issues is tonight, at 10:30pm? It is! Watch it!

With the news yesterday that President Obama was setting up a new High-Value Detainee Interrogation Group, we wondered how torture harsh questioning interrogation [ed. FBI, Andrew is an idiot] was going to look under the new administration. Comedian Todd Berger got us this sneak footage Obama doing what he does best: Charming the F out of anything that moves.

Hey there fanboys and fanladies!

Another week in the Operation Olivia countdown is over, and some serious contenders uploaded videos. I’ll be doing a weekly round-up of the Atom team’s favorite videos uploaded, as well as offering some constructive feedback and discussion on the ideas bouncing around the site.

Shortly Blizzard will be launching the a World of Warcraft magazine, an attempt to drag their 11.5 million subscribers kicking and screaming away from staring at their computers.  The magazine will be launching in English, Spanish, French and German versions.  There’s no timeline provided on an Elvish version, but we all know it’s inevitable. 

While most of the world will need to wait until it arrives at their doorstep, Atom has used its considerable industry pull to provide a sneak preview of the cover for you, our cherished reader.  Unfortunately, even Atom’s cachet wasn’t sufficient to nab this, so I had to do some pretty unspeakable things to get it.  So, please enjoy – I’m going to hit the shower for a few hours with a massive pumice stone and possibly some bleach.

Everyone. Check this out for a second. It’ll take less than a minute, and let’s be real, you’re here, so you’ve already clicked one dildo link for the day. Be warned that this is probably slightly NSFW. Certainly the language is a little strong, and your bosses take on comically huge dongs might be less liberal than ours.

Look, Felicia Day isn’t an idiot. She has a pretty solid idea of what you guys want, and let’s be real, this new promo for the upcoming season of The Guild falls well within that category:

LEGAL NOTICE: I am not a certified financial advisor.   None of my analysis below should be taken as guidance for adjusting fiscal decisions.  In the event something I’ve written inspires you whatsoever, please immediately watch More To Love.  This will immediately purge you of all semblance of thought.