Sometimes you can protect the world with traditional methods (guns, fighter planes, sanctions) and sometimes you need to go with a giant robot piloted by teenagers. Meet Megabot, Atom’s brand new parody of teenage, robotic vigilantism (with Fran Kraz, from Dollhouse) that’s gone on just a little too long.
Inspired by Megabot, we put together a list of some of our favorite robotic advocates for interstellar justice.
#1: Voltron
The pilots who assembled to form Voltron labored under the delusion they were worth half a shit. They insisted on attacking their demonic foes with the lion vehicles, which inevitably got swatted away with a lethargic backhand. Sure, they’d form Voltron to cleave their opponent just nanoseconds later, but that was coasting on technology to do the heavy lifting.
Worse, I am beginning to think part of Voltron’s core mission was ethnic cleansing. Outfits aside, his pilots showed about as much diversity as a Klan rally.
“We must rid the universe of evil King Zarkon! And Blacks!”
#2: Mighty Morphin Power Rangers
When evil spacewitch Rita Repulsa was released from her space prison, the benevolent Zordon commanded his robot assistant to find “5 teens with attitude” to combat her. Not teens with a knowledge of military tactics or teens adept with weaponry, just teens with attitude. And as if that advice wasn’t useless enough, the tardbot still managed to find the only 5 teens in creation with absolutely no attitude whatsoever…unless the metric for attitude in 1993 was “Smile is too gleaming and vibrant” or “Only begrudgingly helps elderly across the street”.
These indiscriminate Voltron knock-offs only had one salvation in live-action Kimberly. Zordon may not have had much of an eye for talent, but he knew how to find fit jailbait.
I just summoned a Megazord in my pants.
#3: Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters from Beverly Hills
Imagine the backstory for the Mighty Morphin teens. Now make the teens selected to defend earth largely incompatible, if not hostile toward one another. Then set it in Beverly Hills because they only remaining way to make them less likable is to have them be preppy douches. Not exactly a recipe for success.
Affirmative Action was sadly a hot-button topic among the Teens…
When called to action by tattoos in their arms, they transformed into specific signs of the zodiac to do battle (unless one of their moons was in Sagittarius, in which case they should focus their energies on new career opportunities right around the corner!) If they couldn’t individually defeat a foe, they formed a giant medieval knight powerful enough to overcome even the most internally inconsistent plot themes.
#4: VR Troopers
The creators of Power Rangers tried to strike gold again with their follow up, VR Troopers. Like their predecessors, the Troopers were a manufactured group of “diverse” teenagers charged with the fate of the planet, and whose battles felt anachronistic and out of place. Maybe because they were cannibalizing three separate decade old Japanese TV shows. Even if you’re too young to have the capacity to explain why a show sucks, you still know it does.
To complicate matters, inconsistencies in source footage made it impossible for this team of heroes to ever fight alongside one another. One hero’s alter ego was from one show, the other two were from another. The show was canceled after two years because they ran out of footage to scavenge. And that’s why you should never recycle.
Oh, and their dog Jeb talks.
#5: Menudo
Actually, you can skip this one. Our research team took one look at their costumes and just assumed they were some sort of Puerto Rican power rangers. Our bad.
They are adorable though. That should count for something.
So that’s the list. Pretty complete, huh? Let us know in comments if we missed anyone, or just drop us a line to tell us how smart we are.
Got something we should feature on the blog? Send a link to tips@atom.com.
12.50%
Loading ...
