There are lots of things in the world that Max Silvestri does not understand. Or maybe he just doesn’t pay attention. Each week in this column, Max tries to figure a new mystery out by reading the work of the greatest democracy on Earth, Internet commenters.

Blade: The Teen Years (New Moon) brought in over $140 million at the box office last weekend. That is a lot of money! And I realize that it might be tough to actually get a handle on just how much cash that is. To help give you a bit of an idea, I want you to imagine an 18-year-old girl paying one dollar to buy a ticket to the movie. Now, picture 140 million of those girls. Woah, right? (Depending on how loud or how breathily you said “woah” when you imagined all those girls, you might want to go jail now. Call 911 for a really fast cab.)

But no one is talking about how that’s just a fraction of what Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 made in its first day: $310 million. Um, what? Where’d that one come from? Like, I get it. We all like simulating killing. All of us. There is not one among us anywhere who doesn’t wish they had a military-grade sniper rifle that they were allowed to aim at anyone they decide is an enemy. Right? Right? I bet sometimes at the office you stare at your coworkers laughing in the break room and then make a pistol with your thumb and forefinger and squint and aim at them and say to yourself, “I wish this were real.” Totally normal! In fact, there are a lot of other people out there just like you and you should join the mailing list: just send your address to tips@fbi.gov.

I am new to modern video games, and though I’ve dipped my toe in the water, I’m still a little out of my depth. Is Bubble Bobble still the most popular franchise? I hope so. I’ve been leaning toward slower-paced role-playing games, the kind where you spend as much time decorating your house and upgrading your hats as you do attacking bad guys. Multiplayer games like COD:MW2 scare the crap out of me.  They move so fast and everyone is so good at them. And people yell at you? I know I am a grandpa over here, but I do not need to pay money to have 17 year old’s yell at me. I can get that for free at the Y. (Ew.)

Does Modern Warfare 2 live up to all this hype and cash? Let’s see what people who know, the commenters at GameTrailers, think.

This guy is very good at making arguments! While some of us might say, “26 is more than an entire day. Maybe the whole planet spinning completely around once is a good stopping point for you to make a sandwich and stretch your toes,” we are wrong! There is nothing wrong with that, no doy. And I guess this game is horrible? Fair enough. I did not know that because I do not play a wide variety of games. I’d probably have more time to play a wider variety of games if I played 26 hours a day. I found my problem! Someone put on three pots of coffee, it’s time to widen my variety. (I call my butt my variety because it’s the spice of life.)

The above comment provides a good counterpoint to those who might be disappointed with MW2′s graphics: listen to your parents and go to bed because you have school in the morning! Your parents are all, “I don’t care that you haven’t yet played for twenty-six hours in a row yet! I have had it up to here, mister, with you arguing about the graphical difference between Xbox 360 and PS3. The important thing is to have fun! That’s why even though tomorrow is Saturday you have to go to bed because we are sending you to a new school: Our Lady of the Sacred Rating. It is a Catholic school where there are no clique agendas.” I for one am also tired of clique agendas running around and ruining the integrity of video game ratings.

And lastly, because it’s important to hear from all voices in a discussion as serious as this one:

Well put, SeveredBonez. You are truly the Bone-Master.

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