Shocking (and incredibly alleged) news! Tiger Woods allegedly had “sext” or “sex text” (or “text sex?”) with his mistress, allegedly texting her with such lines as:

“I will wear you out…when was the last time you got (bleeped)?”

and

“Send me something very naughty…Go to the bathroom and take (a picture).”

We were shocked to find out this (alleged) news, but even more shocked that Tiger would send such boring sexts. The man is breaking racial barriers and is a multi-millionaire! Tiger! We knew he could do better, so Matt and I hacked into Tiger’s phone* to see if there was anything more interesting, and we were not disappointed**.

* We did not actually hack into Tiger’s phone.
** We would be disappointed, if we’d actually hacked into Tiger’s phone, which we didn’t.

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