Atom Blog

Halloween costume choices follow pretty standard trajectories. If one doesn’t opt for the traditional spooky fare, it’s either a play on a pop culture icon or an attempt to sex-up something mundane:

Sexy Rainbow Trout, anyone?

I sent this email to the head brewer/distiller at Ballast Point, who recently announced they were going to release their first whiskey.

Dear Boozemaster,

Let me begin by saying I am a TREMENDOUS fan of your trade. I have a deep appreciation for anyone that has made it their life’s calling to decimate sobriety. Your Calico Amber Ale is an absolute requirement at every social gathering, if only because it allows me to summarily reject anyone who finds it “too bitter”.

This is the face of cowardice

Some internet memes erupt into world, colliding with our collective consciousness with the force of a speeding monorail cat. Others come to more of a slow boil, never quite achieving a Kanye West level of hysteria in the masses, but they’re still part of the majesty of internet. 5 Second Movies are one such meme.

While seldom clocking in at precisely 5 seconds of content, these fan films accomplish much in little time. Some manage to boil an entire series down to their essence, like All Rocky Movies (In 5 Seconds):

Mankind’s innovative spirit is arguably its greatest asset. Undaunted by naysayers and supposed impossibilities, we have carried ideas from their simplest incarnation to the indispensable tools they’ve become. Just imagine where we’d be if humanity mocked the first kite?

Or the first heart transplant?

Or primitive birth control?

That’s why we must always celebrate our pioneering spirit, even when it is as stupefying as the inventions that follow.

Facebook has had quite an evolution. As its name reveals, it was once a beacon for stalking tracking familiar faces. It worked best as a professional networking utility with a specific focus on detailing the lies about your success that you’d normally have to deliver in person at class reunions.

Yeah, I’m talking to you Jenny Langenfeld

Sometimes you can protect the world with traditional methods (guns, fighter planes, sanctions) and sometimes you need to go with a giant robot piloted by teenagers. Meet Megabot, Atom’s brand new parody of teenage, robotic vigilantism (with Fran Kraz, from Dollhouse) that’s gone on just a little too long.

Inspired by Megabot, we put together a list of some of our favorite robotic advocates for interstellar justice.

 
 

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#1: Voltron
The pilots who assembled to form Voltron labored under the delusion they were worth half a shit. They insisted on attacking their demonic foes with the lion vehicles, which inevitably got swatted away with a lethargic backhand. Sure, they’d form Voltron to cleave their opponent just nanoseconds later, but that was coasting on technology to do the heavy lifting.

Worse, I am beginning to think part of Voltron’s core mission was ethnic cleansing. Outfits aside, his pilots showed about as much diversity as a Klan rally.

“We must rid the universe of evil King Zarkon! And Blacks!”

Courtesy of the Jurassic Park series, the velociraptor was plucked from paleontological obscurity to become synonymous with awesome.  For what they lacked in stature, they compensated for in cunning, viciousness, and  their seldom mentioned velocidong.

How they were able to move silently through the forest floor dragging this is anyone’s guess

The velociraptor was celebrated as a lightning-quick homicide machine, capable of eviscerating us with a mere swipe of their foot.  And those killjoy Paleontologists can’t wait to take that away from us.

Every person has an inner ninja.  Most days you keep it under wraps, if only because decapitating your supervisor with his expense report is going to make everyone else in the staff meeting really uncomfortable, but you know it’s there. Its manifestation doesn’t even have to be that extreme – there’s a reason “silent but deadly” is an accurate description of both ninjas and flatulence.

Here’s a quick test to gauge your assassin quotient.

Imagine after a hard day at work you’ve just cashed your paycheck and are headed home.  Suddenly you’re faced with a man weidling a bat, demanding you hand over your earnings.  What do you do?

A) Run for help

Steven Seagal is many things.

* He is an accomplished verified actor, whose movies have grossed $850 million internationally.

* He is a 7th dan black belt in aikido and the first foreigner to teach the martial art in Japan.  Aikido is the ancient art of redirecting your opponent’s motion, which is why it translates to “I FUCKING OWN YOUR FUCKING WRIST”.

“From this controlling position, you can pretty much do whatever you want.  For example, I just sent my assistant out to burn this guy’s house down.”

In recent days reports have come out of the Alps, detailing a series of multiple unexplained cow suicides. This is very upsetting.  Atom.com abhors senseless violence toward any creature, almost as much as anything that deprives us of further steak.

The chalk outlline coincidentally looked like a giant porterhouse