There are lots of things in the world that Max Silvestri does not understand. Or maybe he just doesn’t pay attention. Each week in this column, Max tries to figure a new mystery out by reading the work of the greatest democracy on Earth, Internet commenters.

Finally, the Apple tablet computer/giant iPhone thing is here: the iPad. Good name! Super good name. I think all of the Internet agrees how strong that name is. “Beyond reproach” is absolutely something I’ve heard a lot of experts throw around.

Apparently, lots of people are saying Mad TV predicted the iPAD with a sketch a few years ago about a feminine care product that goes in your (not my) feminine area and also has Bluetooth and headphones and other hacky jokes. Does this mean MadTV now owns Apple, because they beat them at their own game? I am assuming we all use Mighty Ducks 2 rules, wherein the Junior Varsity team switches places with the Varsity team if they beat them. Also, in case you didn’t know, MadTV is just like the computer company Apple, only not quite as good at making computers and peripherals.

I am a little confused about the iPad. It looks like a giant iPhone, and it has no camera, and will probably break easily. The videos on Apple’s website seem to indicate it’s a 500 dollar machine for watching Star Trek or Up, but nothing else. Let’s have commenters explain it to me…

The economic turmoil over the last couple of weeks might as well have taken place in a M. Night Shyamalan movie - we’ve endured interminable uncertainty and speculation, always confident that the ending will inevitably suck. Financial advisors are scrambling just to provide advice they won’t regret minutes later.  Some implore you to protect your investments in the commodities market, others suggest the more direct approach of stuffing your cash into a duffel and ascending whatever bell tower will provide an optimal sniping position.  Yet, despite the volatility, some forceful financial advice is coming out of Cupertino, CA where a most unique economic stimulus plan has been unveiled:

Steve’s got a point.  If anything can trump the fervor over our economic dissolve, it would be the distraction of shiny, new Mac hardware.  The tech news has been frothing over the sturdier unibody construction of this Macbook, something that didn’t interest me until I learned the technical description for the assembly is called “monocoque“. Sometimes the Dick Joke Gods are far too kind.  But what else is under the hood that will make this yet another phenomenon for Apple?  Let’s take a look.

NEW FEATURE LEGEND
A - Screen now 40% more glossy, enabling the owner to drink in the reflection of their smug satisfaction while using a Macbook
B - The Macbook now runs dual video cards - one for the primary display, one to handle subliminal propaganda:

Overall, I was a little underwhelmed by the adjustments to this model.  For all of the innovations Apple has put forth in mobile computing, they are still neglecting wireless power.  This is reprehensible considering that I developed a working prototype with aluminum foil ages ago (patent pending):
 

Still, even if it’s not my favorite offering of theirs, I will probably have to buy one if only to demonstrate my allegiance to their newest marketing campaign:

Ian Cheesman generated this content, as well as much of internetsensation.com, on a Macbook Pro.  He doesn’t relish being a hypocrite, it’s just that he adores attention, negative or othwerwise.  It’s a sickness.