Or the first heart transplant?

Or primitive birth control?

That’s why we must always celebrate our pioneering spirit, even when it is as stupefying as the inventions that follow.

Rodeo Boy

Leave it to the Japanese to invent a mechanism for dry-humping your way to slimmer abdominals. Given the host’s reaction to this apparatus I’m a little surprised they didn’t upsell this device with some kleenex.

This is the face of physical fitness

Pedi-Mouse
What is the number one concern of all modern-day gamers? Other than crippling ADD. And obesity. That’s right – finding spare moments for proper exfoliation!

With the Pedi-Egg Mouse you need not miss a single exquisite headshot while filing your epidermis down to a raw pulp.

Because every social recluse deserves soft skin

Pudding “Cups”
Sometimes a man wants pudding. Sometimes a (hetero) man wants boobs. But who has the time for both?!

Let’s pretend unmistakably thin quandary somehow justifies this Japanese skeeviness:

The censoring Japanese flags paradoxically make the nipples more prominent

Handerpants
People may tell you these make you look ridiculous, but you’ll laugh last in 20 years when your handballs aren’t sagging down to your elbows like everyone else.

Respect the handballs

Beer Can Simulator
Just when you thought there was nothing on this god forsaken planet that was more insubstantial than light beer, the good folks at Bandai delivered. This beer can simulates the delightful *sshhhhkttt* of opening a cold one, without burdening you with all that superfluous refreshment.

FINALLY technology has distilled all the joy out of beer!