Loading ...Some things just naturally go together – peanut butter and chocolate, rock music and cocaine, yardwork and cocaine, or, in very particular circumstances, peanut butter and cocaine. We may not be able to identify what renders certain pairings so harmonious, yet it is evident to all sentient beings how awesome this is:
Hey, Bruckheimer – If this doesn’t end up in your next movie we’re not talking anymore
Despite what the harmony-loving peaceniks might say, guns are likewise an ideal companion to just about everything. Just look at Bruce Willis. Take an actor with a receding hairline and limited prospects from the cheesy romantic dramedy Moonlighting, add a gun and suddenly you’ve got John Motherfucking McClane.
The Willis Theorem
Still not convinced? Allow me to demonstrate how guns, mankind’s deadliest penis extension, have an uncanny way of making everything better.
While this has zero utility as a gun, there is no disputing that this ruler may well be powerful enough to make math cool in way it hasn’t been since Pythagoras was on the scene.
“Life ain’t nuthin but hypotenuses and money”
I suppose it could be used for stabbing in a pinch. Wait, hold this blog for a moment…I think I may have just revolutionized modern warfare…
Point And Click (Sans Fatality)
As novel and practical as this might be in the field, the risk of carrying a camera that could be mistaken for a gun is probably too great a risk for most. On the other hand, cameras are notoriously flimsy for pistol whipping people who jump into frame uninvited. I’m torn.
Usually when golfers shout “Fore!” it’s to signal “Watch your head!” rather than “BOOM! HEADSHOT!”. Though these appear to be the brainchild of engineers working for Jackass, Inc. these are legitimately designed for golfers who lack the physical capacity to play traditionally. Still, I question how long could any warm-blooded man geared with one could resist an impromptu round of skeet golfing.
Bad Pun About High Caliber Art Goes Here
Art should transcend rational thought and mingle with viewers’ souls. Gun art takes things one step further by making all viewers consider that their souls might be hastily dispatched to the afterlife if someone bumps the installation. This piece is like a portal directly into my nightmares, apart from the fact that this arachnid made of guns isn’t telling everyone I still pee the bed.
For only $12 in app store cash, an iPod touch, some superglue and an acute psychotic break you too can become an assassin (bell tower or book repository not included). The application calculates how to adjust for environmental factors that may affect your accuracy, but cannot stop the demons in your head goading you.
Even if this doesn’t look all that sophisticated, consider what the previous generation was like:
“Every time I miss a headshot on that dictator my goddamn music skips!”
Ian Cheesman would like to thank gizmodo.com for making research of insanity so simple. I like them so much I’m not even going to link to internetsensation.com this week. Ooops.
Check out more posts from Ian and other Atom bloggers here.
