As the 2010 Gift Guide rolls into the home stretch, (and after my last fawning entry for a certain foreign Princess-to-be), let’s spare a moment for a true American treasure, Celebrity Politician Sarah Palin. In a year when her reality show took educational cable by storm, her Main Daughter danced with other stars, and her Other Daughter got a teeny, tiny bit homophobic, I think we can all agree that True American Hero Sarah Palin deserves a gift or two. So for the half of you who have S. Palin on the “Nice” side of your present list this year, you could do worse than picking up one or two of these gifts.

Her Very Own Gun

One of the main highlights of Sarah Palin’s Alaska on The “Learning” Channel was the episode where Sarah went moose hunting, that appeared to show that the self-styled Amazonian goddess of carnage was not, in fact, such a hot shot. But everyone needs to start somewhere, right? Let’s get her started on the road to responsible gun ownership with a gat of her very own. Plus, enjoy a round or two of our hilarious game Hunting With Palin.

Some Privacy For Her, Her Family, The Camera Crews That Tape Her, The Camera Crews That Tape Her Daughter

We should all consider leaving S. Palin alone.

A Baby Naming Book

Because you never know when Track, Trig, Bristol, Willow, and Piper might bring another bundle of joy into the world. I’m personally voting for Toadstool, but maybe that’s too… normal-y?

The Head Of Tina Fey

If It’s Possible To Be Elected President But Not Have To Do Any President-ing? If So, Then That

Come back tomorrow for Day 11, when we’ll help you find the perfect something for your favorite gang of high school (-ish) singers. See all our 2010 gift guides right here.

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M’Larky (Josh Warren) and Cubbs (TJ Hassan) and some kinda violent ladies.

Dan Fogler as Lieutenant Black and a bag of fake drugs as a bag of real drugs.

TJ Hassan as Cubbs

We’d be remiss if we didn’t note that this show will feature babes with guns. And Josh Warren as Jon M’Larky.

Jon M’Larky struggles against primarily mind control with eyeball restraints a distant second.

Josh Warren performing Wire Action on a Greeny Board, which are real Hollywood things.

Make sure to check out mlarky.atom.com starting Wednesday, 5/19 for new episodes of M’Larky!

Hey, Bruckheimer – If this doesn’t end up in your next movie we’re not talking anymore

Despite what the harmony-loving peaceniks might say, guns are likewise an ideal companion to just about everything.  Just look at Bruce Willis.  Take an actor with a receding hairline and limited prospects from the cheesy romantic dramedy Moonlighting, add a gun and suddenly you’ve got John Motherfucking McClane.

The Willis Theorem

Still not convinced?  Allow me to demonstrate how guns, mankind’s deadliest penis extension, have an uncanny way of making everything better.

How To Measure Lethality

While this has zero utility as a gun, there is no disputing that this ruler may well be powerful enough to make math cool in way it hasn’t been since Pythagoras was on the scene.

“Life ain’t nuthin but hypotenuses and money”

I suppose it could be used for stabbing in a pinch.  Wait, hold this blog for a moment…I think I may have just revolutionized modern warfare…

Point And Click (Sans Fatality)

As novel and practical as this might be in the field, the risk of carrying a camera that could be mistaken for a gun is probably too great a risk for most.  On the other hand, cameras are notoriously flimsy for pistol whipping people who jump into frame uninvited.  I’m torn.

N.R.A. Approved Golfing

Usually when golfers shout “Fore!” it’s to signal “Watch your head!” rather than “BOOM! HEADSHOT!”.  Though these appear to be the brainchild of engineers working for Jackass, Inc. these are legitimately designed for golfers who lack the physical capacity to play traditionally.  Still, I question how long could any warm-blooded man geared with one could resist an impromptu round of skeet golfing.

Bad Pun About High Caliber Art Goes Here

Art should transcend rational thought and mingle with viewers’ souls.  Gun art takes things one step further by making all viewers consider that their souls might be hastily dispatched to the afterlife if someone bumps the installation.  This piece is like a portal directly into my nightmares, apart from the fact that this arachnid made of guns isn’t telling everyone I still pee the bed.

Which Is Docking Which?

For only $12 in app store cash, an iPod touch, some superglue and an acute psychotic break you too can become an assassin (bell tower or book repository not included).  The application calculates how to adjust for environmental factors that may affect your accuracy, but cannot stop the demons in your head goading you.

Even if this doesn’t look all that sophisticated, consider what the previous generation was like:

“Every time I miss a headshot on that dictator my goddamn music skips!”

Ian Cheesman would like to thank gizmodo.com for making research of insanity so simple.  I like them so much I’m not even going to link to internetsensation.com this week.  Ooops.

Check out more posts from Ian and other Atom bloggers here.