I just want to say for the record that my first headline for this was: “Where’s The Flash, String?”, for all you The Wire heads out there. From Eat Liver.

Not to overpromise anything, but let me guarantee you this: I find strapping a magnifying glass to one’s face to be uniformly hilarious. Click through to the full version:

Everyone at Atom has been mildly impressed, but wildly blogging about Google’s new phone, the Nexus One. Well, thanks to our friends, LandlineTV, I think we can finally put the whole topic to bed. If a phone has the facilities to urinate on another phone, then their point has been made  (how phones make urine is beyond my comprehension).  I think we all finally get it.

via LaughingSquid

There are lots of things in the world that Max Silvestri does not understand. Or maybe he just doesn’t pay attention. Each week in this column, Max tries to figure a new mystery out by reading the work of the greatest democracy on Earth, Internet commenters.

“Fly me to CES!” That is what I said to Editor Andrew a few weeks ago. “I will get all the latest scroops on hot new gadgets.” And then he said, “Do you mean scoops?” And I said, “This is exactly why you need to fly me to Vegas.” (I had found out on WikiPedia that CES is in Vegas.)

But Atom did not fly me to Vegas, so instead I had to learn about Google’s new phone, the Nexus One, through the Internet. This is a phone we should be very excited about! Apparently? I don’t know; I try and just do what people tell me to do. Frankly, I’m a little conflicted. People seem to really want this guy, but I already have an iPhone. Am I supposed to carry both? The last thing I want is to not fit or in or for anyone to think I’m not cool. I would jump out of a moving car if that happened! (I imagine those two things would only happen while I am driving, because on the road is when most people judge you.)

What do I do! Doy, I’ll let the Internet decide for me. It is the Great Democracy! (That’s what Teddy Roosevelt said about the Internet. ) Here are some people commenting on a video from Attack of the Show.

OK, this makes total sense now. Because at first I didn’t understand ktlocalbus: get all three? That is so many phones to have! Are you a drug dealer or a movie star or a shithead or all three? Then AllyKaht (good name, btw) cleared it up: Apple fucking suck. Which I guess I never considered because I like my iPhone and my Macbook, but when you think about it, Apple DO fucking suck.  Especially when you realize that iPhones are always raping stuff, like Blackberries. But to be fair, the Google phone rapes that Motorola phone. Why are phones always raping? Isn’t that really bad? Why would I want so many rapey phones? But jennliz832, who I imagine is also a phone, explains it: us girls (phones) are tired of wimpy thrusts. Ground and pound!

So I am buying all three and having them rape each other, I guess. Guys need to take charge.

Apparently some Android named “Nexus One” wants to kill my iPhone. JK, you guys, Androids can’t kill anything, it’s not in their programming. Actually, Google is announcing their new phone, Nexus One, which is supposed to be great (and murder iPhones). Besides, announcing that you’re going to actually kill something at a giant, industry, tech conference in Las Vegas (CES)  would be pretttttty incriminating. Amirite?

Anyway. The Nexus One is going to do some cool techy stuff, or whatever, but it still doesn’t touch the Pi Phone. The Nexus One wasn’t made by God, after all.