Our friend Scott Chernoff, remixes pop-culture weirdness (and makes it even weirder) in his new blog series: Smash’d.

I don’t really follow politics, so maybe everyone already knew that John McCain is gay.

But I’ve always had terrible gaydar.  That’s why this interview McCain did on Sunday’s “Meet the Press” really threw me for a loop.  I always figured McCain was just a macho man who loved the Navy.  Now I see he was a macho man who loved the Navy.  If you know what I’m saying.

I couldn’t believe how honest the Republican senator from Arizona was about his past indiscretions – although it did get pretty awkward there at times. Check out the video and let me know what you think…

And in case you missed President Obama’s shocking cameo in Tag Team’s classic video for “Whoomp,” here it is.

John McCain, in the last days of his campaign, tried desperately to exploit the questionable past of his rival, Barack Obama. But John McCain had his own nefarious ties, and where it seems Obama had a penchant for ‘60s era criminals, McCain himself seems inextricably tied to the great villains of the 1980s. Ties to the Iran-Contra scandal of the early 1980s were uncovered, when it was found out he’d served on an advisory board to an agency supporting the right-wing death squads of Central America and, of course, there was the embarrassing fund-raising letter he sent to the Russian Embassy. In the interest of full disclosure, I think it’s about time we explored some of the less public, but equally nefarious connections of John McCain in the ‘80s.

The Brief Stint in Cobra

We all know about the harrowing time John McCain spent as a POW in Vietnam, but far less known is the massive disillusionment he suffered upon his return that caused him to briefly team up with this famous group of international terrorists. Sure, he fell in with a rough crowd, and yes, maybe he was guilty of a few crimes – but come on, the man is clearly just a sucker for hot, bespectacled booty.

The Ivan Drago Luncheon

In 1985, Sen. McCain was caught by local paparazzi sharing a tender moment with the misunderstood Soviet Superman. Though many see fit to question his patriotism based entirely on this long forgotten and incidental association, McCain still insists that the meeting was harmless. A statement which is mostly verified by local bystanders, who report that the only remotely scandalous comment made during the meeting was Drago’s quiet and repeated insistence to his ice cream cone that “I must lick you.”

Suspect Campagin Contributions from Cobra Kai

Drastically outmatched by the skyrocketing donations of his superstar rival, McCain had little hope of matching Obama’s funds through conventional means. Desperate for capital, the senator turned to every possible source of support – former political associates, old friends, war buddies – all options were on the table. It’s no wonder, then, that McCain would choose this time to redeem a favor from his old war buddy, Terry Silver. Though ostensibly an incredibly busy and successful entrepreneur, Mr. Silver was suspiciously eager to drop all of his so-called pressing business concerns and place his own life on hold indefinitely just to devote his every waking moment to helping a bitter ex-soldier try to beat the ever-living shit out of a starry-eyed young upstart.

Former Decepticon?

Pleading innocence, McCain to this day insists that his infamous audition for the Decepticons was simply a crime of ignorance. Citing his unfamiliarity with modern technology, McCain is adamant that he was unaware of the Decepticons reputation at the time of his tryout. McCain explained his thinking at the time, stating that “Autobots, Decepticons, Dinobots, Constructicons – all I knew was that they were new-fangled gizmos that the kids seemed to really respond to. Besides,” he continued “it’s not like I even made it in.” Independent sources confirm this last statement, citing the reason for McCain’s dismissal as obsolescence; reportedly with much strain, McCain eventually managed to transform himself into a lime green 1973 Ford Maverick, at which he point he suffered from severe engine failure and was towed to a local mechanic.

Obama’s superfans are now living the dream.  The electorate (or at least the 12 individuals of it that answered the pollster’s questions) has been electrified by the democratic presidential nominee.  Whether it’s the raw power of his shimmering smile (now energizing all solar panels in reach of his latest stump speech) or simply not being McCain, Obama could have this one in the bag.  There’s absolutely no reason he shouldn’t just cruise on his superior numbers right into office, just like his fellow democrats Gore and Kerry did.  Oops.

Like it not, Obama if wishes to take this election he’ll need to ride this campaign hard and put it away wet.  HIs biggest liability is what he launched his bid for president with - the agenda of change.  It turns out that McCain’s advisors have been tracking surveys that suggest the American public are somehow intrigued by fresh ideas like not having the economy implode and evading intractable war and, accordingly, Team Maverick has likewise latched on to the platform of change.  They’ve been illustrating themselves as vastly change-ier than Obama at every opportunity:

Obama needs to neutralize McCain’s strengths and propose reform so bold he can win the arms race for change. For his convenience, I have developed a 3 point plan to accomplish just that.

STEP 1: Pimp My Economy

With a plan like this, you’re not “cleaning the litterbox”, you’re “prospecting”!

STEP 2: Baracky, Get Your Gun

McCain has long been waving the banner of experience over his campaign.  The man has a legitimate point - his colon has polyps older than Obama (as well as fragments of a hoagie that dates back to Pangea).  However, political experience can be dismissed with a political response.  Obama is only one charming grin and witticism away from taking most of the steam out of that:

“Remember, my fellow Americans, with great experience comes truly funky Old Man Balls.”

There is a silver bullet in the “experience” arsenal, though.  McCain served his country with military distinction, both in action and his capture.  McCain endured 6 years living in a septic asshole of a Vietnamese P.O.W. camp, surviving on a diet of bugs, rainwater, and unbridled gumption.

Science later attributed his fortitude to a pituitary growth that caused over-production of the Fuckyoutropin hormone (now being synthesized by Pfizer Pharmaceuticals for their new drug Rambocil:

Obama can’t touch that.  At least, not yet.
                                                                                                                                             . 
Obama may not have time to whip up a military career before election day, but that isn’t necessary.  All he needs is one good story, a chance to prove he’s all the patriot that McCain is.  That’s why we’re deploying him to Vietnam.

When he’s done, they’ll be calling it Ovietnama, bitches

It’s the ultimate win/win.  The odds of them being prepared for his one-man minigun assault is slim to none.  He’ll maximize carnage and minimize personal danger, provided his assault doesn’t span more than 2 to 3 minutes.  Sure, it would be more relevant to send him to the Middle East, but if he has ever voted against anything for the war it could be spun as the most violent flip-flop in congressional history.  Most importantly, he could go on the record as doing it to AVENGE McCain.  Just imagine how awkard the next debate would be when McCain is forced to acknowledge it with “Thank you for blowing up Vietnam, Obama.”

STEP 3: “Call me Barry”

Once Obama has negated McCain’s claims to reform and experience, the only liability left is being himself.  There’s a large segment of the population who hear his Middle East derived name and naturally associate it with their prejudices.  With that kind of marketing drain he might as well be named Jihad Kaboom Obama.  But how can he change something that fundamental this late in the game?  With a shitload of white-out and a few stickers for his campaign materials, that’s how:

I’m tinkin we got a winner here, begorah!

Ian Cheesman is from San Diego, California and is the the kind of blogger who would introduce his own name in bold.  He will continue doing so until Rich Formatting provides an option for Soooo Bold.

His work can also be found at internetsensation.com.

One of our beloved McCaingel actresses, Natasha Leggero, opens up about her creative process, type-casting, and theories on the apocalypse…

How did you prepare for the role of somebody preparing for the role of a lesbian?
NATASHA LEGGERO: It was a long and arduous process because my character Whitney takes more of a method approach to her characters than I take to mine. I played Whitney using a technique taught by Stella Adler known as “outside-in” where I become the character externally and then the rest follows. Whitney, on the other hand, played the part of the lesbo using the Strasberg technique; “inside-out”. She really focused on the emotional life of the lesbian character by examining her psychological motives, including carrying around an “inner-object” in her pocket at all times to remind her of the character. Also we both did a lot of frenching.

If the series takes off, do you fear you may spend the rest of your career type-cast as a McCaingel?
NL: I’ve been waiting for the right part to come along and type-cast me for years. I’m hoping this is the one!

What’s your favorite thing about the real-life John McCain?
NL: I just read in Entertainment Weekly that he loves Usher. I think it’s important that a presidential nominee can appreciate a hot set of abs!

Years from now, will comedians look back at the Bush era and regard it as the golden age of comedy?
NL: I don’t think there is anything “golden” about the era we are in. I think this time in history will be looked back on as “that time right before the world ended.”

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