3:30 PM: Cry in the shower, thinking about how Entenmann’s used to sell that fat free devil’s food loaf thing and now they don’t. Cheer up when I realize I could use that in a funny bit! I’ll have to tell everyone I had that idea in the shower, when they’re too shy to ask later how it was I got my idea. I never consider whether or not they’d like to picture me naked. I’ll also tell them about dreams I had!

You can get a full rundown of her quirky comings and goings in her latest piece for SplitSider. Check it out here, and when you’re done with that, why don’t you go ahead and watch some Cat Whisperer?

Cat Whisperer 1

Cat Whisperer 2

Max: Hi Julie. How are you doing? Are you going to get wasted tonight?

Julie Klausner: Hi! I’m okay. I’m a lot of fun, so probably!

M: It’s been a good year for you. You had a book come out that says lots of things about bedroom stuff. With six months since its release, do you now regret anything in there?

JK: I certainly do. I regret not insisting that my publisher give my book, which is by the way called I Don’t Care About Your Band, a spiral bind. Because that way you can open it on a kitchen counter and it will stay open. The pages will be splayed! Splayed on your counter, while you quarter a chicken or chop up a hearty radish, or just eat stale bread over it, you filthy animal. I’m not saying my book is a cookbook, because it’s not. But I do wish you’d eat in more.

M: Lizzy Kaplan might play you in a series based on the book for HBO. She is an extremely talented comedic actress, but do you remember how often she was naked in True Blood?

JK: Lizzy Caplan with a “C,” and she is going to play me, which is awesome because she’s insanely talented and awesome, and I do remember, and what is your question? “Was that awesome?” Because it sounds like you think it was! Here’s a trophy for liking naked ladies! Now, ahem, ahem. Can we get to the business of my being stuffy? Or do you want a trophy for also thinking juggalos are hilarious and having a season pass for It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia? [buttoning my collar up to my granny glasses]

M: You have a new video for Atom out today. Isn’t it cool that you are doing press for the release of an exclusive web video? I’m sorry if that’s a leading question.

JK: It’s pretty cool. It’s not, like, TRAIN-cool, but it’s definitely Good Charlotte-cool.

M: Do you own any cats? If yes, why? If no, why?

JK: I do! I have one cat, she is great and she has a brief cameo in this video, but she made her internet video debut in Cat News where she stared at turkey I dangled near the lens of the camera, and was totally adorable also.

M: Unmarried women in their 40′s and 50′s who have cats get accused of being cat ladies. Is that racist?

JK: Wait a minute. There are women in their 40′s and 50′s who aren’t married??? Where are they? Do single men in their 50′s and 60′s know about them? If they do, that fact must make them super-horny!

M: Where do you get your ideas? (Specifically, your ideas for this video.)

JK: I got this particular idea when I was watching an episode of The Dog Whisperer. I joked to my boyfriend that I should make a video called The Cat Whisperer, where I just went around telling secrets to a bunch of cats. And then, I talked to my pal Alex Scordelis, who is totally hilarious, about that “joke,” and soon, we were collaborating on the script together, and soon after THAT, we were taking steps to actually make it a video. The joke had become an idea! So, in that case, my answer to “where do you get your ideas?” is “from jokes that I make on my couch sometimes.”

M: I have a tradition where I ask all my interview subjects (you are my first) the same three questions. Here they are. Are you good at swimming?

JK: I am really fucking good at swimming.

M: The second one: do you like the movie Gattaca as much as you think I might?

JK: What?

M: And finally: if you were on a blind date and, for some reason that makes no sense, you could only ask your date one question about himself, what would it be?

JK: I’d ask, “Are you going to eat that?” because it’s a joke thing people say from the ’80s, I believe.

M: How do you think this interview went?

JK: It was like Frost/Nixon. On LSD!!!

M: Bye Julie! I love you!

JK: Bye, Santa!

When Mitch isn’t directing award winning series, he can be seen in his study, or on the streets as a vigilante, defending the weak and needy from crime with two sticks he made himself (apologies for revealing your secret identity, Mitch. You’re the one who made a video).

In case you aren’t familiar, here’s my all-time favorite episode of SI:AS. November has come to Connecticut, and the Baby Birds can’t seem to find their mojo.