Loading ...While I have enjoyed skewering Obama over the election season, I must admit it’s not my favorite thing to do. The problem with making fun of politicians is that partisanship always limits how many people you can offend with it. As a professional smart ass, I demand much more of myself. Luckily, so much wacky shit happened in the world of religion in the last week that I’m pretty certain I’ll be able to conjure some hate from all of you. A boy can dream, right?
Never give up hope!
Fun With Fatwas
Salman Rushdie announced last week that he was preparing to celebrate the 20th anniversary of the fatwa issued for his death for the sacrilegious content of his novel The Satanic Verses. For the uninitiated, a fatwa is an official ruling in Islam, usually issued by religious scholars wishing to clarify why evils like the polio vaccine, unclothed sex, and pokemon are to be scorned. Polio-vaccinated Muslim pokemon having unclothed sex is also forbidden by extension, so make sure they’re wearing socks or some form of lingerie.
Not shown – tiny pokebandages on the inoculation site. I also fuzzed out their genitals.
He indicated he wouldn’t be making a big deal celebrating the anniversary, opting for a quiet dinner with friends in his secret underground bunker at an undisclosed time.
Papal Infallibility Goes Digital
Since the Catholic church’s embrace of Galileo’s heliocentric model of our universe in 1992, it can’t get enough of this crazy "science" stuff. This has led to adopting the technology to create a YouTube channel for Pope Benedict XVI (username: lonelypope16). In his first address he took a moment to warn people of the social dangers of immersion in online media in a vlog entitled "Irony".
Though it hasn’t gone public yet, atom.com has inserted a mole into the Vatican (under the alias Cardinal Shenanigans) that has leaked the Pope’s forthcoming Facebook page:
Caught Red-Hoofed
One of Nigeria’s largest newspapers recently published a story about a car theft intercepted by their police force. Unfortunately, the crime fighters’ diligence was only partially repaid, as one of the two suspects was able to escape by transforming into a goat.
Though this is just a re-enactment, the crime could have happened just like this
This may sound a bit far-fetched, but the belief of black magic is common in more remote, rural areas of Nigeria. It doesn’t help that goats are notorious for gang violence in the region as well.
If brought up on charges, the goat will be tried in a local court of law by a jury of his peers:
It’s worse than you think – these are the goats that were too stupid to get out of jury duty
Scandalous Sex Wasn’t The Scandal
Say what you will about Ted Haggard’s legacy, he certainly set the bar high for Christian sex scandals. These days when the media hears about a new megachurch sex scandal they usually come to find out it’s just a report that Ted actually had a good deal more gay sex than was previously alleged.
Still, even in the wake of Ted’s sexual aftershocks, one runner-up story did emerge last week. A pastor in the Church of Sweden was given a disciplinary warning for his "unacceptable lifestyle" when an internal investigation revealed unsavory details of a recent incident. The incident in question involved the pastor inviting a man over to join he and his wife (also a pastor) for dinner followed by a sauna threesome (or, as the Swedes call it, "dessert"). However, the chlorinated sex chowder was not the cause for concern. The church took offense at the male pastor slamming his wife’s head into the wall when he discovered her deleting pictures of the incident from their digital camera.
The church expressed regret for the pastor’s actions, but moreso for being denied frothy three-way imagery.
Ian Cheesman makes apostasy even more fun over at www.internetsensation.com, just in case you haven’t had your fill.
