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Atom Holiday Gift Guide Day 5 – Get Steve Jobs One More Thing

Mr. Matt Enlow — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 21:23:34 +0000

In celebration of, let’s face it, an exhaustingly eventful 2010, we at Atom are giving up our usual letters to Santa in favor of helping some of our favorite people of 2010 with their holiday wish lists. For twelve days leading up to Christmas, we’ll have a brand new gift guide to help you shop for your favorite celebrity or pop culture phenomenon.

Remember when being a computer geek meant hanging out in your garage with your other bespectacled chums, sautering processors to homemade motherboards? Well, Steve Jobs has done his very best to divorce his image from those days. Though, you may not be able to get Steve a DIY computer kit anymore, there still a few things left on his wish list.

Anything That Will Last For About 2 Years, And Then Wear Out

Clearly, that’s how he likes things.

More Turtlenecks*

*Blue jeans are also an option.

A Money Box

For all the money.

A Money Box Sized Vault

For the money box.

An iMac That Will Store Your Digital Soul For All Time

Metaphoric immortality isn’t good enough.

A Blackberry

After all, he’s an executive, not some spoiled teenager.

Come back tomorrow for Day 5, when we’ll be helping you shop for a drunk. See all our 2010 gift guides right here.
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- Atom Holiday Gift Guide Day 1 – That Wikileaks Guy, Julian Assange

The Staff At CollegeHumor Take iPad Jokes Very Seriously

Mr. Matt Enlow — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 00:01:49 +0000

Boy, there are a lot of videos about iPads today. So many! As the staff at CollegeHumor is quick to point out, there are almost too many angles to come at this thing from. When an opportunity like this arises, it’s almost overwhelming…

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Macbook EXPOSED

Ian Cheesman — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 00:40:27 +0000

The economic turmoil over the last couple of weeks might as well have taken place in a M. Night Shyamalan movie - we’ve endured interminable uncertainty and speculation, always confident that the ending will inevitably suck. Financial advisors are scrambling just to provide advice they won’t regret minutes later. Some implore you to protect your investments in the commodities market, others suggest the more direct approach of stuffing your cash into a duffel and ascending whatever bell tower will provide an optimal sniping position. Yet, despite the volatility, some forceful financial advice is coming out of Cupertino, CA where a most unique economic stimulus plan has been unveiled:

Steve’s got a point. If anything can trump the fervor over our economic dissolve, it would be the distraction of shiny, new Mac hardware. The tech news has been frothing over the sturdier unibody construction of this Macbook, something that didn’t interest me until I learned the technical description for the assembly is called “monocoque“. Sometimes the Dick Joke Gods are far too kind. But what else is under the hood that will make this yet another phenomenon for Apple? Let’s take a look.

NEW FEATURE LEGEND
A - Screen now 40% more glossy, enabling the owner to drink in the reflection of their smug satisfaction while using a Macbook
B - The Macbook now runs dual video cards - one for the primary display, one to handle subliminal propaganda:

C - The undercarriage is adorned with a raised metallic Apple logo. It’s an odd ornamentation, both because of the orientation (being off-center and reversed) and it being obscured by the lap when in use. It’s purpose was only clear after test-driving the Macbook for a couple of hours when I noticed a peculiar smell:

Scalding laps isn’t a liability anymore, it’s a feature!

D - These ports serve a myriad of functions, but they are primarily for venting internally-generated fanboy pheromones.
E - “i” key is specially designed to reject all attempts at capitalization, rejecting all use except as a prefix to other words.

In addition to those hardware upgrades, the OS is set to deliver a couple of incremental improvements. The Macbook can be booted into “Coffeehouse Poet” mode, which will adorn all desktop icons with berets to compliment the owner’s counter-culture, free-thinking sensibilities. Additionally, the iLife movie creation software now issues an pop-up warning on launch:

Overall, I was a little underwhelmed by the adjustments to this model. For all of the innovations Apple has put forth in mobile computing, they are still neglecting wireless power. This is reprehensible considering that I developed a working prototype with aluminum foil ages ago (patent pending):

Still, even if it’s not my favorite offering of theirs, I will probably have to buy one if only to demonstrate my allegiance to their newest marketing campaign:

Ian Cheesman generated this content, as well as much of internetsensation.com, on a Macbook Pro. He doesn’t relish being a hypocrite, it’s just that he adores attention, negative or othwerwise. It’s a sickness.